The Divorce and Child Custody Industry is a multi-billion dollar business in the United States alone. There is a vested interest to "reinvent the wheel" with each case. The passion, time and money invested in this "reinvent the wheel" pursuit is considerable. There is very little professional vested interest in efficiently and directly achieving the goal-once the goal is achieved, the professional is out of a job in that case. And since amicable efforts appears to be almost impossible [given the differences etc. between the parties] the vested interest approach, marshaling resources, gathering evidence etc. seems to be the most logical, albeit expensive as well as emotionally taxing, time-consuming and even in the rare circumstances where their goals are achieved by this approach in many of these cases the results are not long-lasting. What these "winners" [as few as they are] have learned, after the fact, is that they just only completed round one-with many more rounds to follow.
Aside from the fact that we know that traditional "case building" approach does not work, most of the time, and certainly cannot predict the results [before executing the plan; in other words, are you confident enough that you would bet your life that you would achieve your goal?] Although most, if not all, could not, predict the outcome of a custody or relationship situation, it is nevertheless completely predictable. If that sounds strange or unbelievable to you then you do not understand the process, and certainly not the solution. [Aside from the additional fact that it is so predictable there is actually a simple, yet profound, mathematical formula that can be applied in child custody and relationship situations to achieve exactly the goal-see control formula . Without using this formula it is entirely understandable to not understand how these matters can be controlledand therefore predictable.] Just see Custody IQ and Educational Assessment to see how easy it is to predict the outcome of custody matters for example, and the same applies to relationship issues. In both child custody and relationship situations we are dealing with adults who have had or have a relationship and most often it is in serious distress or has completely disintegrated. Whether you realize this or not if you take emotions out all the formula [which most likely played a significant role in creating the problem in the first place, then why would you want to leave emotions involved in trying to construct a solution?] the solutions become quite easy and completely predictable. The problem of course; it is extremely difficult to keep emotions out of it. However, even for this there is an easy 3 Step Solution. Once you learn how to predict, then you learn restructure the variables and there are only a few, until they reflect you achieving your goal. Child custody and relationship issues may be important, very important, they do not have to be complicated.
Background to Solution: Almost everyone involved with or considering Child custody and relationship issues believes their situation is unique. Most of these individuals apply various degrees of normal logic and reason to address these situations. The belief here is that their situation is so unique [see below] and that only they understand all of the facets and nuances of their situation, that their strategy to achieve their goal must be out of this understanding. This "thinking" further supports the popular [although incorrect] reasoning of building a case, etc. While this line of reasoning makes sense at one level this does not mean that other variables [that have a complete and consistent history of validation and predictability] should not be considered. If you dissect thousands of these unique situations, it is very clear, and now well understood, patterns do clearly emerge.*
The patterns that emerge [irrespective of the parties differences] across virtually all anticipated through high conflict custody and relationship disputes are extremely similar, so much so that principals have now been developed to take these into account and bring about a specific goal and one that will last. The patterns and the most effective strategies also emerged. At this point they have been applied and reinforced for over three decades and had been consistently validated.
UNFINISHED
Integrate above the following references: reinvent the wheel and most learn thus their own expense and out of the case [they are reinventing the wheel] rather than learning from the mistakes of the tens of thousands of others who had preceded them and the resulting expertise that has developed. It is easier however to justify the counterproductive approach since everyone believes their cases are [which is actually true but it does not detract from the major commonalities that exist in all cases]. [ Although we may all be unique, as human beings will all nevertheless share substantially more in common- needs, feelings etc. than our differences.] The rationale of uniqueness [no one else could fully understand and appreciate their unique situation] is something that everyone can relate to [which is capitalized on and promoted both by litigants themselves and professionals] and thus serves as the foundation for reinventing the wheel [in each and every case] and it is this underpinning that easily supports a multibillion-dollar Divorce and Child Custody Industry.
While the traditional rationale is accurate but only to a point. If resolution is also pursued in the traditionally established methods for conflict resolution the rationale is completely accurate. However over three decades of experience in understanding conflict [as opposed to cooperation**] and innovative ways to resolve conflict has proved there are ways to resolve conflict even in extreme and in last-minute circumstances.
In order to appreciate the best methodologies to achieve a desired goal with respect to child custody issues and even relationship issues one must let go of how they either think things should work or how they would like them to work. The only real question one should actually ask is what does work or how does it work.
Aside from the obvious difficulties when trying to travel to the moon there is a whole host of physics considerations that are not readily obvious nor directly observable let alone solving and thus overcoming those considerations. For example, we do not see gravity but it nevertheless exists and we must overcome it; we do not see air but it nevertheless exists and is required in most motors that propel cars and planes. Consequently propulsion motors that relies on oxygen in the air must also be overcome since there is no air in the vacuum of space. However once all of the physics considerations [seen and not seen] are understood and overcome or solved going to the moon can not only become achievable but even predictable [out of all of the missions that traveled to the moon we have never lost a human life.] Child custody and relationship considerations also have a host of considerations beyond the obvious and unless someone studies the physics of these considerations, considerable time, effort, expense and emotions could all be for not. Reinventing the wheel need not be costly and in fact if you learn from those who already have learned and solved the physics of a problem achieving your goals can become achievable and even predictable. Let others who keep their head in the sand and not take a small step back to educate themselves burn themselves out if that is how they choose to proceed. Well understood physics of conflict can include how to provide methods for others to not conflict with you which provides for early solutions. And to the extent others choose to pursue their goals without the benefit of understanding the physics involved you need not respond in kind but rather let them burn themselves out until they are ready and if not you can achieve your goals regardless of their cooperation. In fact that more they create conflict the sooner you will achieve your goals* [ the greater the differences, the clearer the patterns are crystallized and the more effective are the principals of solution.] mention correlation study between income and duration of case?
**principals of cooperation are fine when the parties cooperate but when they don't we apply what we have researched and developed as a result of dealing with parties in conflict "Principals of Conflict." Once conflict is understood and relevant principals are applied resolving conflicts become not only achievable but predictable.
6 nails
# Explain how to transfer anger from being directed at you to others
The role of fear on the part of parents, in this case the OP
Overall and perhaps most importantly is the topic of knowledge and its proper use. Not knowing that you do not know is destructive. Knowing that you do not know is step one. Seeking relevant knowledge is next. Accumulated knowledge without proper application and direction is wasteful and could be misleading or deceitful to yourself and counterproductive to your goals. Properly applied knowledge underscored with wisdom is the key. To this end one must recognize, and certainly not underestimate, the role of emotions in rational decision-making.
