About 40 years ago when I was having difficulty making an intricate wooden cabinet and was confronting a host of complications primarily concerning proper concave and convex measurements on angles etc. so I sought to help of an old friend. He was a Master Carpenter of the old/traditional school and I had always known him to be very wise. After some discussion he left me with a four [4] worded sentence that I should apply which not only solved the carpentry problems but I have relied on it on to solve all important problems in the future right up to this day. The simple yet very profound sentence was "measure twice cut once.” If something is really important, you should be completely sure [as if you were going to bet your life on it] of the outcome before executing your plan. Child custody disputes [even reconciliation plans] whether anticipated or existing should not be acted on until you are "completely sure" of the outcome before executing your plan.
Although I believe Child custody, relationships among other important concerns are more important than a Broadway play, however a quick analogy could be made. Perhaps millions of dollars in rehearsals, costumes and staging equipment, booking the theater, salaries etc. are invested without really knowing how they will ultimately be received. Perhaps there are some who are willing to risk this investment without being completely sure of the
outcome although there are of course "indicators" that they are willing to rely upon. Business investors do this all the time. However when it comes to the future relationship with your child [and your spouse if it involves reconciliation] do you really want to put "all your eggs into just one basket [courtroom or otherwise]? There is too much at stake and too many uncontrollable variables if it is approached from what I call "reinventing the wheel”]. Not just millions but tens of millions of parties have already preceded you and have participated in this process. The knowledge and experience is there for anyone who cares to learn from the mistakes and the successes of those who have preceded you.
Almost everyone involved with or considering Child custody issues believe their situation is unique. Most of these individuals apply various degrees of logic and reason to address these situations. The belief here is that their situation is so unique [see below] and that only they understand all of the facets and nuances of their situation, that their strategy to achieve their goal must be out of this understanding. While this line of reasoning makes sense at one level, this does not mean that other variables [that have a complete and consistent history of validation] should not be considered. If you dissect
thousands of these unique situations, very clear, and now well understood, patterns do emerge.*
The Divorce and Child Custody Industry is a multibillion-dollar business in the United States alone. There is a vested interest to reinvent the wheel with each case. The passion, time and money invested in this pursuit is considerable. There is very little professional vested interest in directly solving the problem or achieving the goal. And since that [directly solving the problem] seems [although in reality it is not] to be almost impossible [given the differences, possible hostilities etc. between the parties] the vested interest considerations, marshaling resources, gathering evidence etc. seems to be most logical, albeit expensive as well as emotionally taxing, time-consuming and even in the rare circumstances where their goals are achieved by this approach in many of these cases the results are not long-lasting. What they have learned after the fact is that they just completed round one-with many more to follow!
The patterns that emerge [irrespective of the parties differences etc.] accross virtually all anticipated through high conflict custody disputes are extremely similar, so much so that principals have been developed to take these into account and bring about a specific goal and one that will last.* The fact is the wheel does not have to be reinvented, millions of parents have went through this process and to my knowledge our Institute is the only professional organization that has dedicated over three and a half decades to analyzing these variables and applying a plethora of strategies to real cases to determine the most effective approaches. Since our Institute has been the only one dedicate to a full-time practice exclusively dedicated to Child custody and relationship conflict matters, it was not long before the patterns and the most effective strategies emerged. At this point they have been applied and reinforced for over three decades and had been consistently validated.
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